My life in routine or tales of an Employed College student

So I know it's been years since I posted last however I felt it was not only necessary for me to post again, I felt it was important that I do as well. So here I am back after a long, long time of being away. I have returned to this blog with a lot of changes in my life, more than anything I miss several of my good friends right now. Annie-chan, Sam, Dan, Alex, Shaun, Katie, Camille, Lucy, Melinda, and lots of others, I would give so much to see them right now. To live with them to be near them.

However this is dedicated to memories. Today, I was walking home and thinking to myself about my best friend in the whole world. Who is going to be referred to as K. Also I was writing in my head a story that I should be writing down any day now, I have about a novel of information about it. It's so freaking cool.

However the deal is that K and I are in a tough spot, she is having some home problems and is stressed out. I seem to apply more stress to her life. I know I'm supposed to be the one taking away her stress. So I was walking home thinking about the joys of writing about the Marccian massacre (part of the story) when I was hit with a wave of memory that nearly knocked me off my feet.

I was whisked back to a moment that happened during my second Blog on blogspot, I talked about it in brief because I really loved and still love this girl that I was talking about. I mean I had an INSANE crush on her. It's more then that I realized recently however. All I really remember from that Day is lying in the grass outside of Britt hall. The sun beat down on us and we were laying there talking and laughing. The memory has faded now, however the laughing is what I remember the most the greatest thing ever was being near to this person. I think often I think of this girl and how much I miss her and every time I am whisked back to the time when we were lying in the sun together. On a warm day in March I found everything that was excellent in my life, the people in my life.

You see, I have a form of Social Anxiety Disorder that makes it so that I feel uncomfortable when I'm not around people. However it is specifically people I know. I feel uncomfortable when friends are not around. I can't think of many people that I feel more comfortable around then this girl. K definitely, I mean I wouldn't be as close to her as I am if that wasn't the case. However I've been unsure, things have changed for us since working at camp and I'm afraid I have damaged our relationship. If I have I will just have to deal with the consequences. If not, if I can fix it. Then Right oh pip pip jolly good let's do it.

However right now I have bigger concerns. I know that my relationship is stable and that it will do fine unless I fuck it up further right now. I am pissed off at people right at this moment because a dear friend of mine is crying. She feels betrayed and lost because of some fucking idiots that called themselves her friends. I read the statement she made that upset some people, but did I attack her about it, I just went huh she must be upset and I may disagree with this but I'm her friend, and as her friend I should stand beside her, let her know that there are some parts I disagree with, but good friends don't ever let their friends stand alone. I am just so tired of false friends and easy betrayals. I am tired of Opportunistic pandering fuckwads that take when someone is at their most venerable to tell them something truly terrible and accuse them of something as petty as saying the wrong thing to their friend. FUCK THEM. I am tired to hell of people that don't give a fuck about how they are affecting other people's lives, and people that when they learn something important from someone they don't deal with it well or don't deal with it all besides getting pissed off at the messenger.

I have a good friend that fucked up big time. He told some people that two of his friends were hooking up and doing shit, and they told the guy involved's fiancé. I think that's how you should phrase it. Anyway, she gets pissed at him and then tells she fiancé and his little fuckwad what happened. So he fucks up and might get thrown in jail because he also wrapped a car around a truck and had no license (like I said he fucked up.) So not only did he lose two good friends but he may go to jail because of it, and or get fined at most 500 dollars. FUCK THAT. What do they do they call me and say hey you might not want to listen to this guy anymore, he's a backstabber. What does he say, hey I know that your friends with these other guys but can you still be my friend. Of course I listened to him. I can't stand people that make you choose sides.

Anyway besides all that crap work is really good. Besides the fact that I never get to see my friends, when I'm at work I'm comfortable and fine, however it's when I get home that the anxiety sets in. I go to work, I have fun, and I come home talk to Cam and Lucy and wait for K to call me. Then I go to bed, then I get up go to work and get home, Talk to Cam and Lucy and go to bed. I WANT MORE. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, I want more. I want to be with people I want to spend time with people I want more freedom. I will have more Memories later when I am more awake and deal with stories. I just got upset at people.

Anyway, Love ya all

Nick