Waiting by the phone

One of my English friends once said that life is all waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for the next opportunity to hit, or waiting for some horrible news. The point is that human nature seems to be that of waiting, we are never content with what we have. Or if we think we are, it's simply because what we think we will be content with is within our sites and we say "I am content with my life." It takes a special mindset of a 23 yeah old to be able to say, I have everything the way I want it. I do not have that mindset. If I met someone with that mindset at my age, I would feel simply sorry for them. That or call them a bloody liar. Who the fuck are you kidding, yourself or others. Yes it is true what they said in Charlie and the chocolate factory, "do you know what happened to the man that got everything he ever wanted, what, he lived happily ever after. However happily ever after implies ending, and there is no ending here. I would feel sorry for that poor sot because he has no dreams and ambitions to improve, he has everything. At the same time I envy him because he is no longer just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring.

It was early, really fucking early; I was sitting on my couch in my apartment watching tv. I have been sitting here for several hours because I couldn't sleep, a phone call that I was supposed to be getting the morning was responsible. I was terrified, my chest was in a lot of pain and the test results on my lungs were supposed to come in this morning. The doctor told me I could be developing a form of Bronchitis. This was terrifying to me because I already have asthma and well, while my family is well off, I would have to quit school to get this dealt with. Though I was already failing out, I had no intention of quitting, just failing. It was hard to breath and I kept waking up in panic attacks, I was in tears afraid of what would happen. It kept going through my mind, what if they had to operate on my lungs, what if they had to take off damaged tissue. Now I know now that it wasn't cancerous or anything and that people live perfectly normal lives with Chronic Bronchitis, however, when he brings up a list of lung infections and Bronchitis is on the top, it gets pretty terrifying. I have stayed up more then one night; however this is probably one of the scarier ones. I was too afraid to sleep because I thought that my Throat would close up in the middle of the night and instead of waking up gasping (from the panic attack not from my throat closing up.) It was terrible, so I decided I would watch a little anime to get my mind off things, I watch a movie called, Otaku no Video. A brilliant mocumentry about the rise of the animation giant Gynax. As the sun came up as it inevitably always does I smiles as the phone rang sharp at 8 am. I had waited all night for the phone to ring, just as I have been waiting all my life, to hear this and other calls. I was clear; I simply had some scars on my lungs. They were fixable with rest and fluids and medicine.

This is not the only kind of phone call I've stayed up all night waiting for, and it's not the only call I ever was desperate to get. The way things are, I always seem to stay up waiting for a girl or another to call. You know everyone of you two people; Nick is not always the suave cool collected chap you have gotten to know. K has quickly gotten to know how deep my emotional side gets. We have had our problems but I think now is the time to start fixing them, and so there I was last night, sitting by the phone worried about us, and pissed off because she didn't' call. This is another case of horrible communication equaling bad shit. However this is a lesson to all of your young couples out there. Get your priorities together because one second decision could ruin it all. You have to remember your priorities constantly.

I was tired, I was fucking sleepy, I was lying in bed looking at the wall. I knew I should call Amanda. So I did, that's when she told met hat it was over, and that's when my life changed. I don't remember much from the next three months, a lot of lying in bed, a lot of skipping classes. Few showers and even more tears. It was as if my life was officially over. Nothing I could do about it, all those dreams. To be honest, that was what hurt the most, going, three quarters of my dreams are gone, done, down the drain, Goodbye baseball. I've noticed this is true for a lot of breakups, the question, what am I going to do now, always come up. It's not a matter of what are they going to do tomorrow for most people they know, it's what am I going to do next week, next month or ten years from now. So I cried, nothing I am ashamed of, I have cried before I shall cry again. I will cry many times in my life, I went and told my friend Michele and she comforted me and talked with me and made me feel better. The crying was short and easy it was the uselessness, the ever drag that got me. The depression that set in that would control my college life for the next four years. Until I broke free that is. I stopped waiting by the phone per say for Amanda to call because I know she would never call with love in her voice again. Not the kind of love I wanted. I was free again. I remember after it happened I did two active things to improve myself, I read a lot of Ranma ½ and a read pretty much all of Megatokyo that was out at the time. They saved my ass, the humor of it, the action the romance. To be honest Shojo manga saved my life. I suddenly wanted to relate to the characters I wanted to date again. It was fun and exciting. Then things happened, I dated 5 different girls named Amanda, I met and fell in love with and then fell out of love with a girl named Kali, I love her so much but not in the way she wants me too. I fell in love with a wonderful girl named Donna who gives me headaches sometimes because of worry. I found and lost Meaghan, I danced, I sang, I lost my voice in tears and happiness. Even still I kept waiting by the phone.

Life after Amanda certainly turned interesting; I was active enough to have a sort of life after the shame of what happened that summer, except for the thing with Kate that was nice. Not shameful at all. Then was my relationship with Ann, which was a wonderful experience for she is a wonderful girl. I've spent so much of my time with or around or waiting for the phone. I have been doing way too much of it recently but there is nothing I can do. For all of you out there, listen up, it's life. We always will be waiting for the next big thing, the next horizon the next big hill, you will always be waiting for the phone to ring…